Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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