Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
