my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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