either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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