My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
