also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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