It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i was born a porn star she said
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
