It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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