dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
