I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
