You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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