My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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