I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
