So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
