it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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