my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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