To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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