i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
