She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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