Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
