she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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