you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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