A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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