i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize