Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize