Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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