Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
