Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
