So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
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Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize