Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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