Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
