This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
