Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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