I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
