Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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