Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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