whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
