Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
