we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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