So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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