Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
