We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
