I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
