i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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