I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
