i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
