I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
