Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
