Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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