if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
