i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
