I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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