Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
