does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
