i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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