i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
