I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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