we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
