Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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