she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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