Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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